i miss u

when i look at the notification side in my fb, there's one thing captures my attention.
"upload pic of your grandparents.keep the memory alive"

suddenly i remember my late grandfather and grandmother on my father's side. my late grandfather was a great man. although he looked very strict but i know he had a kind and soft heart inside. unfortunately, i've little memory with my grandfather and i'm very sad since i realise how much i miss him now. i still remember during my child years, he and my grandmother used to take care of me while my parents at work. my grandparents' house was near the river and he always went there for fishing. i used to follow him around without telling my grandmother bcz i knew she won't allow me to go along. owh, i forget to mention that i used to call him 'baba'. Baba loved to sleep and before sleeping, he made sure that my grandmother was ok. sadly, that's only the memory remains about baba. he died because of 'jantung berlubang' when i was in standard 2.

my grandmother used to live with my family after baba left. since my house is a double stories, she can't bare to live with us since there's stairs to climb on.she can't walk bcz of her legs.she don't want my family felt burden bcz of her disability to walk like a normal person. so, she decided to go back to her own house. but we reluctant to send her and decided the best way was to bring her to my uncle's house nearby. i went there to see her everyday. brought her food, helped her take a bath, combed her hair and even dressed her up. i felt happy when i did all those things. until i got an offer to a boarding school. i can't see her everyday but i was ok with that since my brothers were around. i thought all the days, months and years she lived there, she was happy but i was wrong. my s***** cousins didn't take care of her that good since they cn't bare with my grandmother's way of speak. i knew that sometimes she quite harsh but bare with it ok.she was our grandmother.she used to take care of all of us without any complaint. i asked my father to bring her back to our house and my brother slept with her everynight in front of tv. i was happy when i saw her eating her breakfast, lunch and dinner. she used to tell me her secret. she ate nothing several days before since she didn't hv anything to eat n she was sick, didn't hv any drive to move. s****** cousins!!
one day, i used to see my grandmother crying in the toilet while taking her bath. she told me that she wanted to die so that my family can live freely without thinking of her. she missed my grandfather alot but didn't tell anyone about that, even my father......and i cried with her that day....n i don't stop crying until now..everytime i remember her face, i sort of sad....bcz i miss her so much...if i can turn the time backward, i want to love her all my heart and take care of her every single breath of mine.....